I never thought I’d say this, but a part of me is thankful for my infertility.
I’ll let that sink in for a moment.
Seems hard to believe, right? It’s not something you’d expect to hear from someone on Thanksgiving who has been battling infertility the past 5 years, went through several failed fertility treatments and procedures as well experiencing a recent miscarriage (last week).
I wouldn’t take back all the pain I’ve experienced or the mental and physical anguish that comes with it. Why? Because my life has been changed in ways I never thought possible. Without our infertility battle, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. Over the past five years, I have been inspired, I’ve grown as a mother, a wife and friend. I have made friends with others also traveling down a similar road, and for all of that, I am grateful.
My husband and I are even more grateful for the miracle son that we do have. He might be our only child, and we are so thankful for have him. He is our light through our darkest hours.
Would our lives be easier without our infertility? Absolutely! Would we have more money? Yes! Would there be less heartache and tears? You bet! Without our infertility, Jason and I wouldn’t have a story to share with others. We wouldn’t be helping all those who we’re helping. We wouldn’t inspire others to keep pushing on even when times are hard. More importantly, infertility has shaped our marriage. It’s made us stronger, it’s made us more close and there is a love there that I cannot even adequately describe how powerful it is.
Fortunately for us, we have amazing family and friends who are encouraging and supportive, and we’ll forever be thankful for them. We are thankful for each other. We have never pushed blame, passed judgement or let our infertility ruin our relationship with each other. Sure, we’ve had arguments and voiced frustrations, but we stand hand-in-hand walking on this journey together.
Trust me when I say that being thankful when you’re hurting all the time is hard-it’s damn near impossible. Life can be so unfair. The holidays can be so tough for those experiencing infertility and child loss. My heart breaks for all those on a similar path. What’s important is that we all understand that we have our significant other, our family and friends and God who is all continuing to root, encourage and support us.
I’m grateful that infertility has introduced me to something I’m so incredibly passionate about. I have a passion to share our story with others in hopes of helping others. I have found my purpose, my spiritual gifts handed to me by the big man upstairs. I hope through our heartache, I’m able to comfort and help others.
Here are a few other specific things I’m thankful for:
Thankful for Jason:
I am so incredibly thankful for my husband. We have been through absolute hell and back, and instead of our misfortunes breaking our marriage apart, it’s brought us closer. We are stronger because of all that we have been through. We still bicker and have our moments, but we will always have each other’s backs. We will always be there for each other. These past few weeks and months have been the worst of our lives–with a failed IVF followed by a miscarriage–but I am so fortunate that he has been there through it all. I’m not sure I could go through it all without him.
Thankful for Braxton:
I am so thankful for our miracle son, Braxton. We tried for two years with this guy and he was so worth it. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me–to my husband and I. He is so funny, so smart and such an adventurous kid. I seriously had no idea how motherhood would change me, and I’ll be forever grateful to be his momma.
Thankful for family and friends:
I’m thankful for my family who has been there for Jason and I as we battle infertility. They’ve been there to encourage us through treatment and comfort us when we experience heartache. They’ve been there for us when we needed them most.
The same thing goes out to our friends. I cannot even begin to describe the support system we have through our friends. They’ve been there to encourage us and they’ve been there with us to mourn. They care, and we are so fortunate for all the text messages and phone calls we’ve received the past few weeks.
Thankful for Jesus:
Lastly, I am thankful for Jesus. There have been times when it’s been difficult to not question my faith only because of all the heartache my husband and I have experienced the past five years. He has picked me up when I have fallen to my knees. He has listened to my broken heart, my tears and my prayers and even though my prayers haven’t been answered yet as far as having another child, I have faith that he will heal my womb and give us another child in His time. I was lost before I truly dove into my faith, and He has filled a gap that had lied dormant for so long. He will not fail me.
I am thankful this Thanksgiving because of what I DO have. I have an incredible husband and amazing son. We have supportive family and friends, our health (overall), careers and a house over our head.
I hope that we can all keep those struggling with infertility in our thoughts and prayers this Thanksgiving. Infertility is always painful but it can be amplified around the holiday season. Let’s be mindful and caring towards them, and continue to keep them in our prayers. Happy Thanksgiving to you all! May you have a blessed day with those that mean the most!