We had our follow-up appointment today. We were hoping when we originally scheduled it that it would turn into an ultrasound meaning that our IVF procedure hadworked, but instead we sat down with Dr. Dodds to discuss embryo frozen transfer.
Sitting in his small office, I couldn’t help but get upset all over again. It’s been a few weeks since we found out that IVF had failed, but it still hurts. The bruises are nearly gone and my body is nearly back to normal, but our hearts still ache. I still blame myself for it failing, and I’m not sure if there will ever be a day that I don’t remove that blame from my shoulders.
We discussed how frozen embryo transfer worked, the costs associated with it and what the success rates looked like. We also discussed some research we unearthed after speaking to others about IVF, and we worked through them together.
After our meeting with Dr. Dodds, we then sat down with Julie, the IVF coordinator and nurse. We discussed next steps more, discussed the fertility medications that would be needed this round and the processes. It was overwhelming, but not as overwhelming as our first meeting. This procedure will be less involved and a little less trying on my body. I’m sure the emotional toll will still take place.
Jason and I decided, while at the fertility center, that we would make another “go” of IVF in October. We are taking a few months off fertility treatments to heal. We need to heal physically and emotionally before we try again. We are going to look into our diet, exercise routines and different vitamins that might increase our success rates.
I’ll end with this…
For anyone who hasn’t experienced infertility, you’re lucky. This season in our life has by far been the hardest. It’s been emotionally, psychologically and physically hard on us both. Don’t ever take for granted your fertility. Think twice about asking friends and family members when they’re going to have children. They may be currently trying or have been trying for years, but because of infertility it hasn’t happened yet. Be courteous of those going through fertility treatments. Understand that the shots, tests and appointments are sometimes painful, oftentimes uncomfortable and cause emotional distress. Understand that someone going through fertility treatments may be tired and moody. Understand that they’re dealing with some pretty heavy things, and just be there for them.
Lord, at the moment nothing seems to be able to help the loss I feel.
My heart is broken and my spirit mourns.
All I know is that Your grace is sufficient.
This day, this hour
Moment by moment
I choose to lean on You,
For when I am at my weakest Your strength is strongest.
I pour out my grief to You
And praise You that on one glorious day
When all suffering is extinguished and love has conquered
We shall walk together again.
(a modern prayer for strength from http://www.lords-prayer-words.com)
Photo: Sam Stratton Photography