Time doesn’t always heal wounds or broken hearts

It has been a week since our failed IVF attempt. I’d be lying if I said I have accepted what happened or that I haven’t shed a tear since that day.

Just thinking about everything that went into it..money, hope, dreams, love, excitement, pain and determination..and what did we get out of it?

Nothing.

photo-1466699943705-5dfa1fee51f4.jpg

I won’t lie and say that I’m not bitter and angry still. I won’t sit here and act like everything is OK.

I’d be lying if I wasn’t constantly blaming myself for it failing.

I put the blue shirt away over the weekend. It’ll collect some dust. We aren’t able to try IVF again until September, IF we try it again AND if we can.

I say that because of the cost and the fact that I now have two wisdom teeth coming in where there is no room requiring me to have them removed. Some oral surgeons won’t perform surgery IF  the patient is pregnant.

Now we have to determine which trumps which. I don’t want to have to choose.

It seems like since we’ve been trying again for baby #2, we have had set backs after set backs.

When will something work in our favor?

I know it’ll get better, but right now it just doesn’t feel good.

I never wanted to think about the “what if”.

What if it doesn’t work?

We have frozen embryos frozen, but the success rate goes down because of that.

What do we do?

I wish I had the answers. I wish I had a crystal ball that told me the future.

Maybe then I can accept what Jason and I have been through. Maybe then I could move on from this journey in a positive light.

One thing is for sure, time doesn’t always heal wounds or broken hearts

Photo Credit: João Silas

 

Advertisements

One thought on “Time doesn’t always heal wounds or broken hearts

  1. Our next baby will be through FET (frozen embryo transfer) and the pregnancy rates are almost identical. Perhaps you need to research some other fertility centers because for the money you want to ensure you are getting the best researched practices and highest outcome percentages!! We are constantly thinking of your family and praying for you guys! We know exactly what you’re going through, so if you ever want to chat, cry, vent, talk through options Aaron and I are here for you guys!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s