It has been a week since our failed IVF attempt. I’d be lying if I said I have accepted what happened or that I haven’t shed a tear since that day.
Just thinking about everything that went into it..money, hope, dreams, love, excitement, pain and determination..and what did we get out of it?
I won’t lie and say that I’m not bitter and angry still. I won’t sit here and act like everything is OK.
I’d be lying if I wasn’t constantly blaming myself for it failing.
I put the blue shirt away over the weekend. It’ll collect some dust. We aren’t able to try IVF again until September, IF we try it again AND if we can.
I say that because of the cost and the fact that I now have two wisdom teeth coming in where there is no room requiring me to have them removed. Some oral surgeons won’t perform surgery IF the patient is pregnant.
Now we have to determine which trumps which. I don’t want to have to choose.
It seems like since we’ve been trying again for baby #2, we have had set backs after set backs.
When will something work in our favor?
I know it’ll get better, but right now it just doesn’t feel good.
I never wanted to think about the “what if”.
What if it doesn’t work?
We have frozen embryos frozen, but the success rate goes down because of that.
What do we do?
I wish I had the answers. I wish I had a crystal ball that told me the future.
Maybe then I can accept what Jason and I have been through. Maybe then I could move on from this journey in a positive light.
One thing is for sure, time doesn’t always heal wounds or broken hearts
Photo Credit: João Silas