I know this picture can be deceiving. Yes, I have a son..but we went through hell to get him. As we try for baby #2, we are experiencing infertility all over again..this time, secondary infertility.
I used to not talk about my infertility battle. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed.
Why the hell was I embarrassed or ashamed?
Now that I think back, I don’t know why I felt that way.
I didn’t realize how many people were fighting the same fight as myself. So many people were struggling to conceive, and I had no clue.
When my husband and I got married, I immediately started planning out our future as it pertained to starting a family:
- We’d have 2, maybe 3 children.
- I wanted them 12-18 months apart.
- I wanted this to happen before the age of 30.
I knew we had time against us slightly because of my husband’s age, so we started trying a few months after we got married.
We got married in 2011..we didn’t conceive until two years later.
Two years later!
We are 1 of the 8 who are experiencing infertility. While some couples learn what may be contributing to their infertility, some couples infertility goes undiagnosed.
Could you imagine not knowing what was stopping you and standing in your way of becoming a parent?
Fortunately for my husband and I, we figured out the cause of ours with the help of the Fertility Center here in Kalamazoo, MI.
We went through some treatment when we decided to take a few months off to let us mentally and physically rest.
Going through fertility treatment is both physically and mentally exhausting.
There were so many times I wanted to give up. So many times my husband told me to keep going.
He is my hero.
I hated giving myself shots. I hated taking fertility drugs that had annoying side-affects.
All I wanted was to conceive naturally. Why was this so hard?
Nonetheless, we put ourselves through it all. We did it because we wanted so badly to become parents.
I had gone in for blood work to ensure I wasn’t pregnant, as we were getting ready to do IUI, when I received a call the next day that changed my life.
It changed our life.
I was told I was PREGNANT.
What. the. Fuck.
Somehow, we got pregnant..
Our odds to get pregnant were slim, but somehow we beat the odds.
We were going to be parents.
Now, as I reflect back on that memory, it had given me hope (up until recently) that we’d conceive again naturally.
Maybe our infertility struggle was all about timing. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe the doctors had it all wrong and our bodies were fine now.
Our beautiful son will be two in March, and we have yet to conceive baby #2.
We have met with our fertility doctors to discuss options, and were handed devastating news yesterday.
My husbands sperm count is critically low.
Our doctors told us to freeze more sperm immediately, and told us to prepare for IVF.
Folks, if you don’t know much about IVF, let me share with you one thing that will may prevent us from going through with it.
IVF will cost us around $10,000. That’s a ton of money. Our insurance doesn’t cover infertility.
WHY THE HELL NOT?
I won’t sit here and pretend that my heart didn’t break all over again.
I cried. I cried a lot. I had to deliver that news to my husband.
That was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do in my almost 30 years of life!!! BY FAR!
I’ve been writing a lot about my, about OUR, infertility battle as of late. I have gotten some great feedback. I’ve helped others. I’ve related to so many people. So many people have thanked me for speaking out.
Because of that, I have decided to create a blog dedicated to infertility.
Together we can embrace this battle. We can help each other through it. We can be a shoulder to cry on for each other. A smile when we need it most. A hug when it gets hard. Encouragement when we want to give up. And the best cheerleaders when we conquer this battle! Together we can raise awareness of infertility.
Don’t hide behind it. Lets use our voice. Lets speak our about infertility.
We have a Voice, We might as well use it.